Good News for Ron DeSantis
It’s starting to look like he won’t have to be President!
Hello & welcome to “I Hope You Missed It,” my political newsletter of all the news I hope you missed.
The Candidate I Hope You Missed, But Know You Didn’t
Ron DeSantis’ campaign begs the question: is there a word for the opposite of progress?
Indeed, the once-favorite never recovered from his disastrous decision to begin campaigning. This week, he’s in New Hampshire, which is very annoying to me personally, as my boyfriend and I are going there for the Fourth of July. Hopefully he’s easy to miss, as he’s pretty short (and that’s the only nice thing you’ll ever hear me say about him).
DeSantis’ campaign slogan is “Never Back Down,” but “Never” in the same way that JD Vance is a “Never Trumper.” Unfortunately for Ron, his poll numbers—once in the 40s—are now so low that Matt Gaetz may start hitting on them. Trump, on the other hand, is popular in New Hampshire. The state’s motto is Live Free or Die, and I guess the voters consider those to be two equally valid options. I feel sorry for DeSantis, I really do. He is on his knees day and night begging MAGA voters to believe that he can be worse than Trump, and they’re not buying it.
This week, Ron is finding himself particularly unpopular among New Hampshire’s conservative ladies. Not because of his six-week abortion ban (side note: you can be pregnant for six weeks and not yet know it), but because he scheduled a town hall at the same time that New Hampshire Federation of Republican Women was hosting Trump for lunch. The Lilac Lunch, to be specific—if this were the West Wing, that would be something Hoynes attended. The group director said that having a candidate come in and distract everyone with their insane antics was “unprecedented,” but she’s also pissed at Ron DeSantis.
That’s not to say Trump is just shrugging him off—his campaign has accused Ron DeSantis’ of “copying and pasting” Trump’s policy agenda. They’re right; I checked Ron’s website, and this was the policy page:
Trump is just one of many of Ron’s problems. Next, there’s the question of whether or not he’ll be condemned to eternal damnation for the sins he committed on Earth. But let’s set that aside for a second (also, yes). DeSantis also getting sued by Disney for politically retaliating against the company, and he’s asked a federal court to dismiss the charges. Oops, sorry Ron, if the charges more than 6 weeks old, I think they’re here to stay.
Like a lobster in boiling water (which you should consider!), DeSantis is unsuccessfully scrambling to fight back against Trump. For instance, after Trump lauded Cuomo’s handling over COVID as the best in the country, Ron said:
I probably can count the number of Republicans on my hand in the nation who would have rather been under Cuomo in New York.
Okay, maybe, but only because when asked who they’d rather be “under”—Cuomo or DeSantis—they opted instead to hurl themselves into the sea. At least, I would.
But all politicians hate each other, I assume. The real question is whether or not Ron & Don will work together in the end. Ron hasn’t yet taken the RNC’s pledge to support the nominee, no matter who they are. And Trump hasn’t taken the pledge because no one’s asked him to, since he’s going to be the nominee, and he’s never respected a pledge in his life. Honestly, I think a better idea is a pledge not to support the nominee, no matter who they are. Sign me up!
I wonder if Ron is vying to be the VP, although there’s no way that would happen. Personally, I think it would be hilarious if Trump’s running mate was again Mike Pence. They wouldn’t have to update their signs! I’m just imagining the strategy meeting: We know Pence works. Counter-point: We know Pence doesn’t work. (this is fictionalized, of course, as the Trump team hasn’t had a strategy meeting since Chris Christie got COVID).
The Other News I Hope You Missed
Tucker Carlson is finally getting his slot filled—by another man, no less. Fox News Host Jesse Watters will be taking over the 8 pm slot. Fun fact about Jesse: he published a book in which he revealed that his mother frequently tells him how disappointed in him she is. Have some Watters mommy messages:
TFW you’re a professional talking head & your mom texts you, “Confidence is silent.”
A Biden-update: he’s rebranding his economic strategy! Introducing: Bidenomics. The eternal risk of having a President whose name ends in an “N.” Pundits suspect that he’s attaching his name to the economy because he wants voters to believe things are going well, regardless of what they read. Or see, in their own bank balances or on the stickers in grocery stores. Dollar Slice now costs $6, but they couldn’t afford to update the signs.
I like the effort, but not everything branded with “Biden” is good. I drove through Delaware a few weeks ago, and his name’s on every sign. No offense to Delaware. Actually, I have no idea how that could be interpreted as anything other than offensive to Delaware. But it’s a really boring state.
The Fun News I Hope You Didn’t Miss
Last week, I made fun of MTG. This week, she might get expelled from the Freedom Caucus. Wow. This newsletter is so powerful; thanks for reading it.
What’s their problem with MTG? Well, she called Lauren Boebert a “little bitch.” And what’s her defense? Well, as she told Semafor:
She has genuinely been a nasty little bitch to me.
That’s unassailable logic. And honestly, if you’re not Free to call your coworker a little bitch, are you even Free at all? We don’t know whether or not she’s been expelled; although they already took a vote, which is wild. I had no idea the Freedom Caucus knew what voting was.
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Wishing you a day otherwise devoid of political news (after you read this newsletter).
xo
Ginny